Help! My father-in-law is a gift-giving nightmare!?

My father in law is a nightmare around presents. This will require some background, I think. When my husband and I were engaged (an ordeal in itself, but I won’t digress) my father-in-law was a complete beast over the gifts. He told us where to register, tried to register for us when we didn’t take his suggestion (really), threw a yelling fit when we told him when we registered at Target, berating us because we had registered for "cheap" stuff and "people wanted to buy us nice, expensive things", etc. He was infuriated when he found out that people were shipping gifts to my (re: the bride’s) house instead of the groom’s parents house and actually CALLED people to tell them the "correct" shipping address, then opened every present that came to his door before we even had a chance to touch it. He and my mother in law even decided that their friends would give us better gifts, and proceeded to throw us a "couples shower" at a friend’s house where out of the 50 or so attendees, I knew exactly 4 people and my husband knew at best 12 people, mostly because they were the parents of his friends.

As the years went on this practice of gift-beasting did not stop. He and his wife went out the weekend after I told them I was pregnant with our first child to purchase almost all of the items they decided we needed, most from garage sales in poor condition, without asking what we might like, whether or not we had room for it, or even if we needed assistance in purchasing items (we didn’t). My mother in law contacted my best friend to "help" with the baby shower and proceeded to invite everyone from HER office (who I didn’t know from Adam) in order to procure extra gifts.

At one time, my in-laws "gave" us an old car that they had in the garage as an "anniversary present", because they decided we needed an extra (we didn’t). After a year, the car was essentially unsuable and was an unneccessary expense, so we sold it. Fire rained from the skies after we DARED get rid of THEIR car without their express consent.

Obviously, these are only a few of the examples over the last 9 years of my in-laws giving nature, but every time a gift is given it is given with directions on how they requrie it be used. I have reached the end of my rope, and so has my poor husband, who for years now has been begging them to stop giving us anything. For my husband’s birthday about 7 months ago, my in-laws gave him a gift card to a very fancy steakhouse we had never heard of two towns away. We thanked them, and then put the card away for a nice occasion. We are VERY busy people, we don’t often go out to eat, and we have three children under the age of 7, so fancy steakhouses don’t really fit into our schedules, certainly not during the school year. Today, my father in law called my husband to yell at him (really, actually yelling) that if we weren’t going to use to use the damned thing (evidentally we were supposed to use it on our anniversary, but we took our kids out of town on vacation instead) he would just buy it back from us.

I am appalled at this point, and I don’t think I can take it anymore. My husband (who was at work during this nonsense) told him he would call him back at a more appropriate time, and then called me to tell me. He was completely livid, and told me that he would love to give the gift card back, and threatened to tell his father where he could stick it. We will most certainly NOT be trading this gift, which we had every intention of using, for cash, but using it will now leave a bad taste in our mouths. I would like to just give it back to them and apologize for not using it when they wanted us to, but I really just want to throw it in their faces.

This is sticky for us, my in-laws live literally 5 minutes away and we see them at least twice a week. I need a sane, impartial suggestion on how to deal with the return or non-return of the gift card, and also on how I can refuse future gifts with strings.

Thank you!
Ashley
Moving is not an option. I will not cut off ties between my children and their grandparents just because their grandparents annoy me. Also, my husband’s job is not transferable, and my parents and brother also live in this town.

that is a tough one! i think i would take the gift card and drop it off at their house. then they can use it and maybe get some enjoyment out of it. don’t make a big deal out of it as it will most likely not make a difference. as far as future gifts i would totally stop accepting gifts. tell them you have decided to stop doing gifts for birthday/christmas. tell them you will not be giving them gifts nor will you be accepting gifts from them. What a shame for your children but, you have to do what you can to protect them from being hurt!